I know I’ve been writing a lot about sad things. The breakup, mostly. But I’ve started seeing the change. I’ve started seeing me again and it feels GREAT! I will always be hurt by James and by my self in all honestly, but there’s no use crying over it anymore. I’m ready to let go and move on. It’s time I start making my life happy and fulfilling. If things go how I think they are, I have my schooling all mapped out for the next ten years. It will take me a while to get to the point I want to be at, but these are my goals.
1. Finish my AA in Behavioral Science
2. Transfer to Chico state in Fall 2014
3. Attain BA in 4 years (2018)
4. Attain MA in 4 more years (2022)
Yeah, this sounds like a lot but it’s nothing compared to the life I will have after.
5. Become a social worker/counselor for the state (cps)
6. Marry
7. Start a family after attaining my degrees and am established in my career.
I hope to do all of this by 2024. By that time I will be 34. It’s kind of strange to think that far ahead, but nowadays we have to. After I have followed through with all this and have established my career and family, I plan to go back to school to attain my Psy.D. at Berkeley State University. They have a great psychology program and ever since I decided to become a psychologist, it has been my dream to become a student of Berkeley. It is imperative that I find a mate that will support my dreams and goals, as I would want to support him. I’m no longer settling. I’m not a doormat to be walked on and I refuse to allow it any longer. I’m beautiful, intelligent, tough, and caring. I won’t let anyone take advantage of me anymore.
On a different note… Lee and I have been seeing one another. I’ve always known that there was something between us, but I never really gave it a lot of though. Almost two weeks ago we got closer. Closer than we’ve ever been and I genuinely enjoyed being near him. We have not slept together. We just recently really kissed. Sure we fooled around a bit, but if we do cross that line further and decide to have sex, I want it to be romantic and special. I want to be treated how I know I should be treated. I’m not a slut and I won’t treat myself as such. I have much more worth than that. This blossoming relationship has caught my full attention and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I have mixed emotions. On one hand, I adore Lee and I love that he loves my body. He’s exciting and exhilarating when we touch. On the other hand, I worry that I may be using him and a rebound. If that’s the case, I don’t want our friendship to be affected by it. In between kisses he promised that wouldn’t happen. But I’m not sure that I want this to be a friends with benefits type thing. I feel that if that’s what it is, I’m sort of cheating myself and not giving me what I deserve. I don’t know. Like I said, there are mixed feelings about this.
Well, I’ll keep this updated to see how everything starts turning out. TTFN. 🙂
From Mind To Paper 